Thursday, February 26, 2009

fuck my life

Fire to the university. Seriously.

I'm writing this in class right now. I can only take one class at this fucking piece of shit place because most of the classes that they offer take place several times a week and are during the day. I guess they figure if you're in the Master's program you don't have a job or some shit. How the fuck do they figure that?

Anyway, I applied for FAFSA, which is financial aid from the govt. to help pay for school, since I can't pay for it on my on. But who the fuck knows when that is coming through. My parents who are state workers, also aren't in a position to help me out that much being that they are getting their pay slashed by 10% since he budget crisis hit. They get sent on 'furlow' days, where they get laid off twice a month. I've blogged about this before; basically they're being forced to do more work for less pay. I think they might be trading some holidays that they usually get off and paid for (Columbus Day, etc) in exchange for these days, but these are of course steps back for them as workers. As I told me dad, these of course won't be given back to them once the crisis is over. He agreed. A good example of this in history is when the Thatcher administration (UK) passed a series of anti-union and picketing legislation in the 1980's that was latter held onto by later Labour governments because they knew that a rowdy working class was as bad for them as it was for the Conservatives.

Anyway. My work life sucks. I work as a sub. My day to day life is based on if I get a call from work or not. This means that I always have to have my phone on me. If I go somewhere and leave it behind or don't answer it or turn it off, I miss out on possibly being called. This extends the power of the workplace into my life continuously. I am always at work, or at least a part of me is. I always feel the master's call on my life - regardless of where I am. Kind of like Frodo and the Ring, but I ain't no fucking nerd alright.

Anyway, so yeah. I tell people I make like $100 a day subbing and they're like, "FUCK," but really that's only like $13 an hour or some shit. Plus, I don't get any benefits. I can work everyday of the week if I want to but I can't get any benefits at all.

I have a history degree. What the fuck good does that do me? I got nothing really. I got As in class cause I know how to write nice essays about destroying class society and when I was in classes about China I could go on Lib Com and talk about riots and the teacher would be impressed. Plus, I can quote from Aufheben like nobody's business, so I look fucking smart and like I know my shit. I guess to a degree I am, but I know a lot more smarter anarchist types that have no college and have shittier jobs than I do. Anyway. I really don't have any hope of having a happy life in regards to having a nice job anymore. That part of my life is always going to be shitty.

I used to think that I wanted to teach college, but I don't see how that is going to happen. I don't see how I'd ever be able to afford to go to a UC and get a PhD. I don't really see it happening. It's really hard to get a job at a Junior College teaching with just a Master's. Generally it takes at least 7 years for a Grad student to get a job at a JC. I'm fucked.

I dont' also think I can take teaching college. I don't see how I would enjoy it. I don't see how I would exist in academia and enjoy myself in the day to day. Anyone else out there ever thought about teaching on a college level? I really don't find it that appealing anymore.

One thing I've really been contemplating is getting a job as a bartendar. The closest school appears to be in Sacramento. I think I'm going to hit that up. I hear the pay is good plus you get tips each night. That would be tight. Sub and then bartend some nights.

Like I said, fuck my life.

I think the best thing about things being so fucked up is that it makes the possibility of revolution that much sweeter.

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